I took this photo at 6:16am on Halloween morning. I figured out how to use the night feature on my iPhone camera. It was so foggy and eerie and I mean...come on! Look at this! Is this not the best way to start Halloween?
This isn't a post about Halloween though. This is a post about the shitty day that happened the day after. It started off good. I slept in, started getting my shit done, and I even went on an AMAZING run! It was my first run since my half marathon back in September. I had initially told my dietitian that I was going to take it easy and get back into it by maybe a mile a day or something but then I went and busted out 3.31 miles!
I came home and found my daughter drawing in my Joy Organizer. I'll do a little detour here for a second because I can't remember if I've actually mentioned this before or not. I had an undated planner and I wasn't sure what I was going to use it for and then one day I decided that instead of using it to make "To-Do" lists (like it shows in the planner), I was going to keep track of the things that I get done throughout the day. I am the kind of person that tries to make a to-do list and end up packing too much into a day and then feel defeated because I barely made a dent. By listing out everything that I do in a day, I can see how much I actually accomplish. Here's the blank pages and then some filled out!
I use stickers that I've had laying around to cover up the "to-do" on most days as well as turning the "top priorities" into what filled me with the most amount of gratitude...what made my heart happy.
Needless to say when I found my daughter drawing and ruining my pages with my pens and a wax Bible highlighter, I started to break. Tears started to fill my eyes out of anger. Everything that I had completed that morning and afternoon that made me feel great was being taken away in this one moment. A little bit later, I hear her coloring with a marker...which she couldn't possibly have...but she managed to find in the back of a kitchen drawer one of my wine glass markers and had it all over her arm and her face and was coloring in a notebook (not mine otherwise I would have been even angrier). I could feel everything just slipping away.
While we were eating dinner, I asked my husband if he had any Zoom calls for school and he said no. I asked him to keep an eye on our daughter so I could take a shower alone and then I would put her in the bath. He said okay. I even paused when making dinner and said I needed a hug and started crying. My daughter climbed into my arms, patted me on the back and said, "Mommy, shhhh, it's okay..."
Today is a new day. I have managed to keep it all together so far. As much as yesterday sucked so hard, every day is a new day and a new start. Sometimes you gotta let out the tears instead of holding them in. Sometimes you have to shut yourself in the bathroom and cry in the tub. Sometimes, despite being super sweaty, you need a group hug from your family in order to work through the crap.
