You heard me. I said it. These suck. I understand that they are a great visual when on a weight loss journey but for someone like me who has been STRUGGLING to lose weight the last few years, they 100% suck!
Sure, in the past, these have shown me my progress that I couldn't see because I look at myself daily. I have been able to see the definition that I worked so hard for. I was able to see the bloating subside. I have seen the difference in my face first but in the last 2 years that I've been working with my doctors to find out why I'm doing all the things right, I'm either staying the same or gaining...the pictures suck! They fuck with my mindset. I look at all the "progress" pictures I've taken over the last 3 years and I see little to no change and it makes me cry. The negative thoughts I hear in my head, in my own voice, are the worst of the worst things!
There is a podcast called Redesigning Life with Sabrina Soto and in August 30, 2019 she released an episode called Negative Self Talk and Perfection with Trish Suhr (to listen on Spotify, click here). It's an episode that I think about often and even have it linked in my Link Tree on my social media. Actually, what I think about the most is this quote from Trish, "Nobody's meaner to me than me so go ahead and try to be nasty cause honey anything you try to say I've said to myself 10 times worse so nice try." Now, ladies, tell me that doesn't just hit you in all the feels!
The one thought that returns to me constantly when I see myself in the mirror or look at my so-called "progress" pictures (really I feel like they're regression pictures), I can't help but think that my stomach looks like a rhino belly.
Actually, do you see the way the skin on the rhino folds over the front leg? That's how I feel my belly looks. This is the belly that I've been struggling to say "peace out" to since my daughter was born and I just can't get rid of it.
So I am really trying to rewire my brain to not be an asshole to myself and hopefully start to see the progress that I know I can accomplish. In the mean time, we need another term for these pictures because progress is not the best word I can think of to accurately describe this season of struggle!
But what am I doing to help myself change? I've been going to therapy. My next two sessions are actually going to be 2 hour intense sessions working on some trauma. I've been working with a Sports Dietitian. I have a Fitlosophy Fitspiration Journal that I started to use. It is an undated journal. Each day has two pages. The first page has the following sections:
Today I am grateful for (list 3 things)
My goal to live life fit today is (a few lines to write out your activities for the day)
One thing I appreciate about my strong bod today is (a few lines to write your appreciation)
Rate Your Day (note your workout and how long it was, track your food, energy level and your mood)
On the second page, there are a bunch of lines to journal and a space for "This Inspires Me". I've written on each journal page to track my weight, taking my meds, how much water I drink, my total steps and miles (based on my watch), when I wake up and go to bed. In the past, I've left the inspiration space blank because I didn't know what to put in it. This time, it's only been a few days, I've been writing things about my daughter, myself, and drawing.
I started a new workout program and I'm beating myself up and I'm only 3 days in! Day 1 was cardio and I had to modify because I was getting winded. "How did you run a half marathon a week ago and now you're winded?" I quickly reminded myself that it was a different kind of cardio. Running is so different from jumping jacks, burpees, and mountain climbers. Day 2 wasn't so bad. Upper body. I used light weights because I haven't been using weights for almost a year and my arms were shaking! It felt great though! Then today, Day 3, was core and I felt the negativity come back! I hate how weak my core is still. I did do all the jumping on Day 1 without peeing my pants (plus) but I still don't have a fully healed core so I'm modifying like crazy to avoid injury. I did get a little mad at myself for not recording my workout so I can see the progress I made on Day 100. I'll have to remember to do that on Day 13 when I have my next core workout.
If anyone has any ideas on what to call progress pictures in this transition season, please drop it in the comments!
*No links posted today are affiliate links. I receive nothing by you clicking on these links. These are just my favorites. I will always preface a post with affiliate links.
