I try to view the scale as a tool. I don't fixate on the number but want to know why the number has gone up, down, or stayed the same. The thing is that I am a woman in her late 30s (39 last week to be exact). That means I grew up in the 90s/early 00s where the goal was to wear an XS and a size 00. That was me. When I was 18 or 19 I was taking a antidepressant and was told it could cause weight gain...I started wearing a size small shirt because my boobs grew from a small B to a C...but I still rocked those XS shirts. I remember Jenny Craig commercials with the phone number changing to contain the current year (1-800-96-JENNY), Weight Watcher commercials playing during TGIF, a friend in 5th grade bringing Slim Fast as her lunch. In high school I would have an entire can of Pringles and a 20oz Coke for lunch on Friday as a reward for not eating much, if anything, throughout the week. There were plenty of days that I didn't eat anything until I got home and my mom had dinner ready.
The most damaging piece of information that my young brain took in was in my teens. One of my mom's daytime talk shows had someone on talking about how sometimes your body thinks it's hungry when you're actually dehydrated. Of course that spiraled into me drinking a ton of water and not eating anything because I'm not actually hungry but thirsty. My goodness the damage done. I was already thin though and I didn't need to worry about losing weight. I tried to donate blood when I was 18 and was told I didn't weigh enough. I would run 3 miles every day my junior and senior years of high school but nothing else. I didn't want to gain weight. I needed to stay skinny. I don't know why but I just knew that I needed to.
I joined the military, leaned out even more, gained some muscle, and was shocked by the attention that I was suddenly getting from guys. I was lucky in that I didn't suffer from a lot of acne as a teen but I wasn't popular. I never got asked to dances, never went to a single Homecoming dance, had to find a date for Prom, but all of a sudden I was getting asked out and falling in love for the first time.
It wasn't until I received a military career ending shoulder injury that I found myself gaining weight. At first, it was a little bit. There were even bets at the unit for weigh ins who weighed less, me or this guy that was about my height (5' 3") and thin like me...I weighed less by like 3 pounds. Next thing I know I've been 100% pulled from the hanger and put at a desk all day...lots of coffee, snacking, and smoke breaks. By the time I had my final day, I had gained almost 20 pounds over the course of 2 years (a surgery and rehab in that time). By no means was I overweight. I was about 130 pounds but I didn't like it at all.
The weight continued to creep on despite taking weight loss pills and counting calories.
From 2007 to now, I have struggled with my weight. I gained, I lost, I gained, I went on the divorce diet (booze, junk food, no sleep) and got down to my goal weight, injured my back in 2013 and the struggle got worse. In 2014 I became an online coach hoping that the accountability of helping others and showing up as a way to encourage them to show up for themselves would help me stay on track only to have no one want join me and only wanted in my free groups and not participate. I finally said goodbye to being a coach in 2021 to focus on me.
Why am I telling you this? Because I am being enrolled in a program called TeleMove with the VA. I will be required to step on the scale every day for 90 days. That's one day shy of 13 weeks. I haven't been that consistent in a couple years. I can only miss like 2 days a month. I am sharing publicly so I can hold myself accountable to meal plan and prep and work out regularly. Will y'all comment and hold me accountable? I'll also be sharing on my IG page so give me a follow!
